Below is a snippet from my latest WIP called Across the Stars. It's a SFR or Sci-Fi Romance.
Here's the story scoop: Laina is one of the last surviving humans after earth was destroyed when the humans tried to kill the cyborgs they'd created when the cyborgs rebelled and escaped. Now the Cyborgs, with permission of the Galactic High Council have free rein to pursue the last remnants of the human race and do with them as they see fit. Rorik, a cyborg lieutenant stumbles upon Laina hiding in a ship and he captures her, thinking to get information about the whereabouts of other humans. But when the cyborg doctor on Rorik's ship runs tests on Laina, a genetic anomaly in her hand raises questions and he suddenly wonders if Laina might hold the key to the survival of the cyborg race. Can he learn to trust and love his sworn enemy if it means he might save his people?
Last week we left off with Laina having climbed into the ceiling of her room by moving a tile out of the way and crawling up inside. Rorik and his cyborg crew have boarded the alien Nubra ship transporting Laina and have watched video feeds which show Laina climbing up into the ceiling. Rorik asks Zore, the nubra captain where the ceiling air ducts leads.
Zore
lifted his head, eyes flashing straight up above their heads and he pointed one
index finger to indicate the tiles overhead; just
then, the ceiling above them creaked.
Rorik
smiled, pulled his phaser from his holster and flicked the setting to a low
level blast, enough to destroy the tile and bring the woman crashing down.
Julian, Alanna and Zore all took several steps back right before Rorik pulled
the trigger and the phaser emanated a red beam vaporized several tiles above them.
In
a great crash and a scream, the woman fell from above and landed hard on her
side, a small pack rolling off her shoulders and bumping into tips of Alanna’s
black boots. Alanna toed it daintily as though concerned it might be poisonous
before she reached down and picked it up.
The
human crumpled into a ball, knees tucked up near her chin, arms wrapped around
her head protecting herself from whatever attack she expected and Rorik's his
stomach clenched. Had she been attacked before? Did she not understand cyborgs
were different than humans, they did not retaliate with brutality unless
necessary for survival?
If you've enjoyed reading this, be sure to check out the other amazing authors who are unleashing their awesome eight sentence snippets hosted through the Weekend Writing Warriors found at http://www.wewriwa.com/
Well, we knew she'd be found...poor thing! She's gotta be scared outta her wits. IMHO, the word head or a form of it appears three times in the first paragraph, and it pulls me out of the story. Rewrite of that will tighten scene.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting premise! And terrific description. I love that he feels empathy for her.
ReplyDeleteGreat snippet, Lauren!! I tweeted.
ReplyDeleteI have so much to read and am going back to work soon, but I think I have to read this one. I'm loving your excerpts.
ReplyDeleteUh oh, finger slipped before I could finish. I was going to say hurry up and get it finished so I can see what happens.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing great with this story, Lauren!! Good job!
ReplyDeleteInteresting. I pretty much knew the hiding in the ceiling idea wasn't going to work but you brought it to a dramatic end! Great snippet.
ReplyDeleteVery exciting, Lauren! I tweeted
ReplyDeleteVery dramatic and quite an ending to the scene. I'm quite impressed that the Cyborgs don't retaliate with violence unless provoked. Impressive, intense, and a great snippet!
ReplyDeleteExciting snippet, love your description of the woman's fall.
ReplyDeleteUgh! She got caught! Great scene. Rorik can say what ever he wants, I'm with Laina on this one. I would have tried to get away too afraid they would hurt me. Great story.
ReplyDeleteHistory Sleuth's Milk Carton Murders
I LOVE this! I had to get my weekly fix, Lauren! lol SFR, my dynasty and my fave! :-)
ReplyDeleteGreat job! Love the vaporizing! :D I'm very intrigued by these cyborgs!
ReplyDelete